A Fictional Thanksgiving . . .
November 23, 2009
Since Thanksgiving is only three days away, I thought I’d write an unusual blog entry for today. It involves some of my fictional characters and how they’d cook a traditional turkey dinner.
How do you and your family cook yours? Is it just you, stuck in the kitchen for hours? Or does your husband fry or smoke the turkey? Do you make your sister or the kids peel potatoes? Who concocts dessert?
See, I imagine the characters in my current series as one big family, odd though it may be. Since the series is about an agency that recovers stolen art, I figure that one of them would probably have to recover the turkey first. Right? It only makes sense, since these people are recovery agents.
So here’s what I envision. Sheila, who is the ARTemis, Inc. office manager in all three books (TAKE ME IF YOU CAN, TAKE ME TWO TIMES and TAKE ME FOR A RIDE) buys the frozen turkey in the first place, probably with a company-issued grocery store gift card. Can’t you imagine Sheila, in some tight, leopard top that showcases her assets? With her teased blond hair styled seductively and maybe a pair of hot-pink reading glasses on her nose? Yup, I can see her, pushing a shopping cart around the local food-mart in some sprayed-on pants and high heels. She’s muttering and complaining and popping her gum while she loads the cart with sweet potatoes, bags of stuffing, cans of pumpkin and a huge, 22-pound turkey.
Sheila checks out and brings the load of groceries back to the ARTemis offices, where her husband, Marty (the firm’s accountant) complains bitterly about the bill. Sheila ignores him and sticks the turkey in the fridge to start defrosting. But in the morning,
it’s . . . gone!
Who has stolen the turkey?
There are several prime candidates: Avy Hunt, kick-ass co-owner of the firm, who tends to shoot first and ask questions later. Sir Liam James, her (retired?) master-thief fiancé, who’s never met a luxury item that he didn’t like. (See TAKE ME IF YOU CAN.) Then there’s Gwen Davies, who was born with a silver spoon in her mouth but can now kill a man with a spike heel. Or her blue-collar turned white-collar hottie of a husband, Quinn—who’s a man not to be messed with. (See TAKE ME TWO TIMES.) And finally, there’s hard-living ladies’ man Eric McDougal, who’s got to learn that not everything in life is easy—including, to his shock, himself. (TAKE ME FOR A RIDE.)
Any of these characters could have stolen the turkey. But let’s say that it was Kelso, the other co-owner of ARTemis, Inc.—the guy nobody has ever seen. He operates out of the ether, using digitally-altered voices, and enjoys driving his employees crazy.
So, to keep this short and sweet, it was Kelso who stole the turkey and McDougal who finds it and steals it back. The problem is that it’s still frozen! What’s a bunch of art recovery agents to do on Thanksgiving morning, with a dangerously frozen bird?
Avy wants to hack it apart with a meat cleaver and then toss the parts into the microwave. (Nobody ever said she could cook.)
Liam offers to massage it for hours with warm olive oil. (He’s a sensual kind of guy.)
Sheila swears at it, pops her gum, and goes to the phone to call KFC for some fried chicken instead (while Marty protests the added expense).
Gwen raises her beautifully groomed eyebrows and contacts her favorite caterers while Quinn offers to barbecue on the backyard grill.
And McDougal? Well, he’s got several lady friends who’ve invited him for dinner, so . . . he’ll see them all later. That McDougal, what a player . . .
Here’s where YOU come in, readers. Whoever supplies the best/most creative/funniest solution for this problem will win a full set of my TAKE ME series—all three books! I’ll stop back by during the day to see what you’re coming up with. Have fun! And have a fabulous Thanksgiving of your own.
(Please visit me at www.KarenKendall.com for more information, contest, newsletter, excerpts, etc.)
What more idiot forum talking about a prostitute and Hillary Scott holy god I care if she does get confused black or no.no porn = prostitution if a black woman or white is in the porn has to submit the customer what they ask , usually the most beautiful women in porn do not work with blacks because they are priced very expensive and really consider porn stars. usually the women who work with interracial sex black flag are working with anyone and the price is cheap and not so beautiful, when compared with those without are stars like jena jameson first says that working with black dead. are a very small group of women working with blacks over 20 and always the same and with a pair of black always the same black that do not exceed more than 3 …. and other characteristics of these women who work with black is that in their majority are in the twilight of their careers and over 40 years and decrepit old-fashion when they were young never in his height of his career nor made a single joke interracial scene they are. Julia Ann, Lisa Ann, Nina Hartley, Ginger Lynn, Kylie Ireland, Shanna McCullough, Brittany Andrews, Tiffany Mynx, Taylor Wayne all in when they were more about the porn stars of the 80 outgoing and 90 refused to do interracial. Now 20 years later and without the same youth who had made beauty are the largest interracial sex interracial my question because they are not made in his youth? in those years that were big stars. I smell a vile racism of these porn stars and porn industry the same as in the 80 and 90 had something like over 800 porn stars of which they made no more than 10 interracial sex .. and the same is happening today in 2012 are very few who have sex interracial. and there are over 5000 porn stars around the world, racism has grown with each passing day. I think it will always be haci as the satellite companies do not pass interracial porn companies pay also forbid interracial porn and is a very small market that anyone interested. and in real life besides contempt for blacks is given in all areas of life. wind will never be seen a white woman with black. contempt alos gives also black porn. are accepted by a few wing or wing wallet that bring media fame that not all are willing to accept the fact of being black.
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Thank you so much. I really appreciate winning your books.
Sorry that I left you all hanging on this one! Thanksgiving derailed me . . . hope everyone had a nice one.
So, I have to say that Lois’s bullets and Linda Henderson’s blow-torch are the ones that cracked me up the very most! But if we’re going to get technical, bullets would shred it, so Linda Henderson, you are the winner, LOL.
The ARTemis crew gets turkey by blowtorch!!! ROTFL.
Thanks for all of your great comments. Best, Karen K.
Call the finest restaurants, and order the thanksgiving foods, including the big turkey.
everybody have to pay for the bill 🙂
Get as many hair dryers as possible and start thawing the bird with them. Meanwhile there must be a bakery or restaurant that owes the company a favor; make a phone call and quickly ask if said place can roast the bird in their big commercial oven so it is ready for dinner. If a favor isn’t available, tell said place that next year they will order their Thanksgiving meal from them and eat it there.
I say Eric tells the woeful story to his many admiring followers and they take pity on him and the group, and compete on bringing them the best new bird in hopes of winning a little one-on-one time with Eric.
Now with birds abound, the gang has turkey dishes all around —
Avy – does turkey kabobs
Liam – slow roasted succulent cuts
Shelia & Marty – decide to deep fry some legs
Gwen – thoughtfully calls in a master chef to prepare an extravigant turkey entree
Quinn – take a crack at BBQ’d turkey strips
Eric – uses his charm to persuade one of the lady friends to help him with a turkey casserole where he mostly compliments her cooking skills
With the main dinner dish – or I should say dishes – out of the way, they all come together to whip up the stuffing, sweet potato pies and pumpkin soufflee.
During dinner the group reflect on their hectic but saved holiday, their successful recovery missions of the year, and how best to get revenge on Kelso… Christmas is coming up after all.
I say you cut the frozen turkey into pieces and each person gets a piece of the turkey and they play Top Chef and have three hours to create the best Thanksgiving dish they can with what’s in the kitchen. The winner gets to run the whole operation until Christmas.
Skip looking for the turkey and everyone goes out for buffet !
Karen i think they should all take lie detector tests while doing the task of makinga meal each one must complete the test while cooking the one thing he or she wouldnt eat even if they were paid but the others would then while doing all that they have to playa game of Eye spy because well when isnt it f unny to watch grown ups make fools of them seles thena fter the meal is cooked and the KFC is cancled they must then draw names to see who sits where and who serves what dish while maintaining decorum they each must try all the dishes even if they dont like said dish who ever cracks first is the culprit
I think they need to take it for a drive. Put it on the engine of their car and drive around long enough for it to thaw out. Then while they are out driving they can go through a drive through and get something fast to eat instead. Or a blowtorch might work.
Oh geez, I’m not going to even try to come up with a resolution. Unless everyone shoots at it, because then, maybe all the heat from the bullets will cook it. LOL But did want to say I sure loved Take Me For A Ride, it’s my favorite of the books thus far! Which, by the way, are there going to be more of the ARTemis group? 🙂
Okay, these are both good! LOL. Anybody else? KK
i say deep frie the turkey and eveyoen shares
What a dilemma. Let’s have each member write a # on a piece of paper and draw to see who solves the problem. Before the draw, each person is served a drink of their choice and toasts to another member. That member will have to eat with that person when the turkey is finally servd. Each gets a drink every hour until the turkey is served. Maybe by that time, they won’t be hungry.