Romance Anytime, Anywhere by Lila Dupres

My husband recently overheard two of his male colleagues discussing Valentine’s Day.“It’s become so commercialized,” one of them complained. “It’s hardly worth celebrating.”

“Yeah,” the other agreed. “There’s no point in buying your wife flowers or candy for Valentine’s Day. *Everyone* is doing it. You’ll get more brownie points for buying those things on any other day.”

My husband chuckled to himself but didn’t butt in and give the response he wanted to:  “I’ve been married for nearly thirty years, and I can tell you it’s *very* important to get those flowers and candy on Valentine’s Day, commercialization or not! That is, if you want to avoid sleeping in the doghouse.”

While I congratulated myself for having such an intelligent husband, I also wondered about the way men view romance as opposed to women. For men, it seems, romance is a means to an end…i.e., sex. I buy you flowers, you give me sex. I take you out to eat, you give me sex. You get the picture. Whereas for women, romance is the end in itself. Trust me, that’s the way it works. So for all you guys out there who are clueless, or would just like a few more clues, here’s a quick lesson in Romance 101.

1) Any time is a good time for romance. It’s important to hit the big notes, i.e., Valentine’s Day, your anniversary, her birthday, Christmas. She will expect something then, big or small. But romance given spontaneously, for no better reason than “just because I love you,” is mighty valuable, too. So the two men above had half of the equation right, they just missed the other half.

2) Any level of romance is good. While women will always appreciate chocolates and flowers, and of course diamonds!…many other things work. Stroke her hair in passing, cup her face with your hands when delivering a kiss. Rub her back, give her a spontaneous hug. Hold the door open for her, help her on with her coat. Tell her she looks lovely, tell her you missed her while you were at work, tell her you’re the luckiest man on earth to have her. These are small things, and they’re free! But will give you lots of credit in the romance bank.

3) Do not equate “I give you romance” with “Then, you give me sex.”  The two are sometimes related but definitely not inseparable. You like steak, don’t you? What man doesn’t? Suppose every time your wife fixed steak for you, it was only because she wanted you to clean out the rain gutter? Wouldn’t you start to look on that steak with a jaundiced eye after a while and wonder, ”What does she want from me this time?” Women crave romance, but they don’t want to feel it’s a carrot you’re dangling to get what you want. They want you to romance them because you love them and want them to be happy. Nothing more.

4) Don’t be afraid to hold your wife’s hand in public, to put your arm around her, to tell your friends what a treasure she is and how lucky you are. Romance isn’t just for the home, when you’re alone. Sometimes the most romantic thing in the world is letting everyone else know how special she is!

5) Do you want to really surprise your wife? Next time you get in bed together at the end of a long day, pull her close to you and say, “Let’s just snuggle. I really need to feel you close to me.” Don’t be surprised if you hear a sniffle or two…and then, sometime in the next twenty-four hours, you may get *your* wish granted for the hottest sex ever. Not because she owes it to you after you romanced her…but because she loves you and wants to make you happy.

After all, isn’t that what it’s all about?

Till next time,


12 Responses to Romance Anytime, Anywhere by Lila Dupres

  1. Lila Dupres

    Savanna, I understand. It would be nice if all boys took a course called “Romance 101” when they were in school. Some lucky women find men whose fathers understood romance, so at least they had an example to learn from.


    Lila Duprés
    Tales of Desire

  2. Lila Dupres

    LOL! You’re welcome, Fedora. We girls have to stick together, no?


    Lila Duprés
    Tales of Desire

  3. Savanna Kougar

    Ah, romance, I wish. You are so right, Lila. I never did find that wonderful man, and I’m not into training them. I wish it was just part of our societal fabric.

  4. Fedora

    Thank you for this, Lila! I’ll be forwarding it to DH 😉 He’s pretty terrific, but we can all use reminders now and again 🙂

  5. Lila Dupres

    Congratulations on your longstanding marriage, Anne! We’re approaching our 30th in June, and you’re so right, everyday affection and love is what keeps you going through all the hard times.


    Lila Duprés
    Tales of Desire

  6. anne

    What a wonderful post. I totally agree with you. The everyday kindnesses, affection and sweetness that is demonstrated is more meaningful and so appreciated. After way more than 30 years of marriage that is what makes me feel good.

  7. Lila Dupres

    Little Lamb, I agree, it’s especially tough when the kids are small and needing so much time, attention and love. Sometimes you just want to say, “Don’t touch me!” as you’ve already had more clinging and hugging and squeezing than you can handle. 😉


    Lila Duprés
    Tales of Desire

  8. Lila Dupres

    Jenn, you’re so right. It’s important for boys to grow up seeing their fathers be loving, supportive husbands. Then it’s built right in…and your future daughters-in-law will thank you!


    Lila Duprés
    Tales of Desire

  9. Little Lamb Lost

    I can only agree with what you said in your post. My husband is aware now about cuddling, backrubs, etc as acts of affection that need not lead to more at the time…but I remember trying hard to explain the point some years ago when the kids were very young and I was very tired.

  10. Jenn L

    As I read over your blog post this morning even before posting it I thought about all the things my husband does every day that make me feel loved.

    Like recently I have been sick, he knows I can get pretty grouchy and lazy. It’s rare Mom is sick, but when I am my husband steps up. Last night he brought me chicken noodle soup and made grilled cheese. Silly really but I was waited on and it just felt nice.

    But the best part he bought me Chocolate pudding, I didn’t ask him to he just did because he knows it’s what I’ll want when I’m sick. He’s not only loving me, but teaching my sons to care for the women they will hopefully one day love. My eight year comes in and checks on me and just cuddles up next to me. He laid there quietly watching TV to make sure I’m ok and to be there if I need something.

    Great post Lila, it really made me realize how lucky I am.

  11. Lila Dupres

    Thank you, Ruth! It’s funny, the disconnect men seem to have about romance. I imagine it just takes the right women to train them…


  12. Ruth D. Kerce

    Great blog, Lila! The special men in our lives should definitely read this. Thanks for the wonderful post.

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